"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
