Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
