i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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