I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
