Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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