Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
