my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
