The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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