Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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