You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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