i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
