Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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