I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
