Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
