When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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