these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
