a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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