before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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