I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
