I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
