Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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