happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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