You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
