So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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