ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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