I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
