he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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