I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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