We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
