Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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