I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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