come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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