Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
