things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
