I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
