i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
