So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
