My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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