Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
