You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
