if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
