I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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