Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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