yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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