dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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