I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
