I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
