There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
