Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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