yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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