my phone needs a breathalizer
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
