Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize