I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
