she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
