He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
