it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
