Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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