No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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