How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
