idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
