A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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