So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
