I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
