so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
