I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
