If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
