I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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