Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
