I love black thongs
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
