Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
