i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
where are my eyebrows?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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