Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize