i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
