So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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