Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
