Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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