Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
