I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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