It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
