Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Me too!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
