Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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