It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
