you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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