my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
