she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
