the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
