New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
