FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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