But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Still dying that you shit outside
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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