chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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