Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
