Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
