When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
