apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
