I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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