My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
